(Ask Taz) Dear taz,
This is long, I know. But everything I have to say is completely true.
I am a 25 year old guy and I come from a fairly privileged background. Recently I met a rather cute girl that I started dating. She told me she had a criminal record and that her brother and father were both in prison for manslaughter, but that she was not like that. As I got to know her better I found myself increasingly drawn to her; like I didn't care about her past or her family, I just wanted to take care of her.
It has been a little over 3 weeks now since we first met and I am already having strong feelings for this girl. She visited me for one weekend, essentially staying with me in my apartment. Then again all last week. She took it upon herself to start cooking/cleaning for me while I was at work because she is traditional like that, and we have already begun sleeping together almost every night.
She started telling me that she loved me and enjoyed doing things together that couples do. She wanted me to introduce her to my family and I was nervous as I knew about her difficult life and background and I knew she was very honest and open about it. When the time came, my family continually asked her question after question the entire time, and most of it was probing her for more of the very information that had me worried they might not like her. When it was over, they acted all nice leaving her feeling like it went well, until I got a phone call from them telling me "we need to talk".
At this point, my parents are afraid of her. They came up with all manner of wild scenarios and ideas of what might happen if I continue seeing her. I told them how I felt about her and they insisted that I not bring her home for Thanksgiving as was originally planned. In fact, they don't want her around the rest of the family at all, and I got the strong impression that I was going to be distancing myself from my family if I continued down this road. My father shook his head at me like he was disappointed in me, but I cannot control who I develop feelings for.
That night, I came home with her still in my apartment. I told her what had happened and she started crying. She was practically balling at this point, which seemed a bit over the top as we had known each other a few weeks, but she seems very attached. I told her that if it came down to it, I would choose my family over her and she spent the next half an hour gathering her things, calling her friends, and crying.
I took her back to her place (she lives alone but sometimes stays with friends) and let her know that there was a very real possibility this relationship might end. I don't think she stopped crying the whole way, and I was crying for a good while too. When we got there, she made a remarkably strange move. She pulled out an engagement ring and actually proposed to me! WE HAVE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER FOR 3 WEEKS!!! I told her it wouldn't feel right to take that from her until I have figured out things with the family and can guarantee a future to this, and that I loved her too. Then she went so far as to say that she would even sign a prenuptial agreement if it would help prove her intentions to my family.
She started telling me about how her father molested her when she was 12, about the mistakes she had made in the past, and all manner of very personal things and I held her close. I spoke with my best friend who seems to be siding with my family. "Why put them through this for a girl you have only known for a few weeks? How do you know she isn't trying to screw you over?" She has a couple lawsuits pending against an abusive ex and my parents see that as a sign that she might be "lawsuit crazy".
The thing is, I too feel a connection for this girl. I never slept with anyone before her. If I do end it, I will always look out and wonder "is she alright?" "where is she now?" "does she need help?". She keeps calling/texting me daily to tell me she loves me and needs to see me and might kill herself if I leave her and all manner of things.
Ideally, I could have my family understand that she is not the lawsuit crazy psycho killer they all seem to think she is, but it is beginning to feel increasingly more like "the girl or the family...choose". I spoke with some of her friends who basically told me to tell my family to **** off and follow my heart.
I REALLY need guidance on this as I have found it difficult to focus at work or enjoy life while all this is going on.
Dear Reader,
I know you don't want to believe me but I see red flags all over this situation. You won't because you're infatuated with her. Also I will not chronicle what i see her on the board but if you PM me I will be glad to explain some things you need to watch out for because everything you have chronicled here has me screaming something bad.
You stated ----> and I quote "The thing is, I too feel a connection for this girl. I never slept with anyone before her. If I do end it, I will always look out and wonder "is she alright?" "where is she now?" "does she need help?". She keeps calling/texting me daily to tell me she loves me and needs to see me and might kill herself if I leave her and all manner of things."
I bet your connection is strong. I bet the sex is over the top porn star sex too isn't it? I bet she loves engaging you as often as she can. Your in for a hell of a surprise once the honeymoon period is over my friend.
This relationship shit you got going on has all the hallmarks of a dysfunctional and disordered person. *SHRUGS* There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.
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