(Ask Taz)

Dear Taz, (The Street Therapist)

I would like to talk to someone (because it’s easier that way and my mom doesn’t understand a thing) about many things. Here I go. First off, here I am exposing the root of my so called problem. From 13 years old to 18 years old (I’m now barely 19) I’ve gone 140 lbs to 192lbs. Year after year, I was less likely to go where boys were, declining nights out with my friends and keeping myself from the world because I was ashamed of myself. My family always told me to lose weight because I wouldn’t like it when I’d grow up. I wouldn’t listen to them because it was easier not to face my problem and my body issues. Being in the assuring cocoon of ignorance was better than anything else. So, of course I haven’t had many boyfriends (only one when I was 13). I now have lost 37 lbs and am now at the glowing weight of 155 lbs. I feel so much better. Indeed, but I have no experience with men (sexually included) and feel like a loser. I’m not really sociable and have very few friends (my own preference because I like having really good friends that are like sisters). I don’t have any friends that are boys either. I know I’m ready to be in a relationship but I’m scared. I’m scared because my body look like I have had a child already; with loads of stretch marks and jelly skin everywhere, plus random problems like dandruff and body air. On top of that, I have an apple body shape -_- All of this make me afraid to approach guys and I know if one is interested in me I’m going to have insecurities and issues worrying that my boobs aren’t lifted enough (lovely stretch marks you know) or that my belly is going to turn off the person. So, please let me know what you think about all of that because it’s making me crazy. Give me tips on how to meet a guy considering I’m shy, tell me if guys worry as much about body parts like girls or like me. Am I crazy? Is it considering as really bad if I haven’t had any relationships since I was 19? How do guys see that?
 
Dear Get It Together,
 
First, I want to compliment you on being so forthright and honest in your struggles.
 
Heres my take on a few things:
1. You're on a roll in losing weight and have made a great achievement in that area thus far, so, dont give up . You didn't say how tall you are, so, maybe for your height you don't have much further to go before you hit an ideal average weight. but, kudos to you for what you have done.

2. One thing I know that dudes like, is a girl that exudes confidence in herself because that shows a lot of emotional strength which guys admire. You don't need to have the perfect body shape either... a somewhat ordinary looking shorty with a good amount of confidence will get a dudes attention.

3. I want to say that there is PLENTY of time ahead of you to have a meaningful friendship/relationship with a dude. You are just starting out on the adventure. The key is to know another person gradually and in a easy comfortable setting. Sometimes dating isn't that conducive for getting to know someone gradually... I always found the dating thing too rushed and too progressive with it moving at lightening speed. It was hard to handle at times.

4. Make yourself attractive physically by working out and using the right makeup, emotionally by gaining confidence in yourself and image, and spiritually by growing in your knowledge and relationship to our Creator; find a good local church that has an active college age Singles Group. These three areas are very important to grow in. Ask God in your quiet times to make you the kind of person he wants you to become and ask for the strength to walk daily uprightly and you'll find that the closer you move to him, the more he will send blessings your way at the right time. This is going to include nice guys who are worthy of getting to know the person you are.

Hope this gives you some insight. Again, don't be in any rush, let it happen in time and in accordance with Gods will. Just make yourself ready for when the time comes and display confidence around dudes especially that you have dignity toward yourself and that you are principled.